FAQs (for everyone else)

There are two ways to approach this question, but the answers are different for everyone, so we can only offer broad strokes here. Are you thinking about what you can do to affirm and celebrate your partners sexuality, or thinking about this means for yourself the future of your relationship? Either way, by looking at this FAQ you're already on the right track.

If you're looking to support your partner, we recommend our Biscuit Guides, so you can start to understand some of the feelings and worries your partner might be having.

Communication is key. Make sure your partner feels comfortable discussing their thoughts with you, and be receptive to what they say. You're not expected to have all the answers, but being there to listen and help with processing can go a long way. Your partner may benefit from reassurance that you believe them and that you're invested in them being able to thrive.

If you're in a monogamous relationship and concerned about the impact this might have on you or the future of your lives together, there is no need to assume that your relationship style is going to change, and them coming out does not necessarily mean they are interested in further exploring that facet of their sexuality right now.

Of course not all your questions will be about monogamy, especially If you're not monogamous yourself. You still might have questions about the future of your relationship and how your dating lives might change.

Some people be anxious that they're ‘not enough’ for a bi+ partner, but if they wanted to be with you before they came out nothing has happened to change that. Your partner is in a relationship with you by choice, and it's a choice they make again every day by staying with you. Talk to your partner about your feelings, and trust them when they reassure you.

If your partner has made the big decision to come our to you, they're displaying that they trust you with that information and they're letting you in to a part of them they might not yet fully understand and appreciate themselves. You are privileged to be a part of that journey.

The word “bisexual” is used in two ways: as a noun that labels a sexual and/or romantic identity, and as an adjective that describes a pattern of sexual and/or romantic behaviour.

When we're describing identity, the word bisexual means sexual and/or romantic attraction to more than one gender.

When were talking about behaviour, it’s having or actively seeking consensual sex and/or romantic relationships with people of more than one gender.

Not everyone who experiences attraction to more than one gender calls themselves bisexual. Around 11-16% of us prefer the word pansexual, and others use words like abrosexual, omnisexual or polysexual, or may simply call themselves queer. Younger people are much more likely to identify with a different term than older people.

It's worth looking into the distinctions between these terms, as the nuances are important, especially to those using those terms.

Instead of listing every permutation of sexuality that shares the characteristic of attraction to more than one gender, we use the term bi+ to describe them as a group. Some people call this the multisexual or plurisexual spectrum.

The bisexual umbrella is also known as the multisexual or plurisexual spectrum. It is a term used to group together identities like pansexual, omnisexual and abrosexual together based on their common characteristic of attraction to more than one gender.

The terms that fall under the bisexual umbrella range from common or widely understood terms like polysexual, omnisexual or homoflexible, demographic terms like Men who have sex with men (MSM) and less serious or slangy terms like trysexual, or AC/DC. Others still are reclaimed or current slurs.

Pansexuality is often defined as attraction to all genders. People who use this word may do so to emphasise that gender is not a significant in what attracts them to a person.

Omnisexuality is often defined as attraction to all genders too. Omnisexual people may choose this word to emphasise that gender is a factor in what attracts them to a person.

Polysexuality is usually defined as attraction to multiple, but not all genders, for example attraction to nonbinary people and women but not men.

In the England and Wales 2021 Census 624,000 people selected the answer ‘bisexual’ in the cateogry of sexual orientation. In Scotland, 80,260 people did.

A further 23,500 Scottish people and 123,000 Welsh and English people ticked the ‘other’ box. Not everyone who did this specified their identity, but of those who did at least 48,000 identified as pansexual (we only have figures for England and Wales) and at least 15,000 identified as queer.

We can't be sure that everyone who identified as queer on the census experiences attraction to more than one gender, but statisticians tend to assume that largely they do.

That means that around 1.5% of the population of Britain - 883,760 - are bi+. That's roughly equal to the number who are gay or lesbian.

Is this figure accurate? Probably not. The questions about gender and sexuality are optional on the census, and around 1 in 8 people skip it. Of those that chose the ‘other’ category, around a third don't give a write-in answer.

We know that those who choose not to answer questions about gender and sexuality are more likely to be LGBTQIA+, and we also know that the circumstances under which the census is completed means that not everyone feels comfortable disclosing that information, or may even have their answer chosen by someone else.

Research conducted by polling companies and non-government organisations varies, often wildly, from what the census tells us, and suggested the figures could be revised upwards.

Each bi+ person has a different set of experiences. Some might face very little prejuce, while others experience significant disruption to their lives.

When it comes to priorities for the bi+ community, we think the biggest issues are:

• The poor mental health of bi+ people as a community

• Sexual violence and intimate parter abuse against bi+ people, especially bi+ trans people

• Home Office bias in asylum claims made by bi+ people

These issues are a direct result of bisexual erasure.

Erasure is very easy to define: it's is the tendency to ignore, deny or downplay any sexuality thay falls outside the gay/straight binary.

From a person you meet claiming that bisexuality doesn't exist or refusing to believe you're bi+ because of the gender of your partner, to a local NHS Trust failing to provide adequate heathcare to their bi+ patients because they haven't asked how or don’t think they have any, bi+ erasure is at the root of many of the issues we face: when an individual forgets or refutes our existence that is hurtful and destabilising, and when institutions do it they deny us access to vital services.

Yes! Asexuality comprises a broad spectrum of experiences, and it's important to remember that it does not necessarily denote a lack of sexual attraction or of capacity to seek out and enjoy romance.

Asexual people may be gay, lesbian, bi+ or straight, just like everyone else.

Young people today often find coming out to their parents and caregivers harder than coming out to their peers, so you may not be the first to know but you are likely to be the first person who is responsible for their wellbeing to know so getting it right matters.

If your child has come out to you on purpose, that's a great sign that they trust you and your guidance. It can be tempting to say that sexuality doesn't matter to you, but be aware that this may come across as dismissive. Instead, thank your child for trusting you with their revelation and take a moment to affirm them with a word or two of encouragement. It's fine, even encouraged, to be happy or excited but remember this moment is about them, not you.

Some young people want to make a brief announcement and move on, others want to casually slip it into conversation, and others still won't tell you at all but simply introduce a date of a gender you didn't expect. You know your family best so take your child's lead. If they don't want to make a big deal of it there's no need to, but others might appreciate a small gesture like a bisexual flag pin, an iced cake or a relevant postcard.

Reassure your child that they are loved for everything they are, and respect their decision on who else they want to tell. Showing a genuine interest means your child will feel supported.

If your child has not come out to you themselves, consider if this was something they were actively hiding from you, and if it is, wait until they do decide to come to you to acknowledge it. It is not necessarily a reflection on you that they have kept their emerging sexuality a secret, but more likely that they are simply not ready and still processing it themselves. Take the opportunity to do a little online research and give them time.

Safer sex is an uncomfortable but vital conversation to talk about with your children, and it can be even more uncomfortable when you are a gay or straight parent or caregiver to a bi+ teenager. You may need to talk about sexual acts you've never experienced, and others that you've never even thought about. Try not to let your own opinion on the sexual acts you might cover stop you from being as factual as possible - it's hard to be receptive when you're feeling judged.

Most safer sex resources are segregated by both gender and sexuality, which means finding the right practical advice for bi+ young people is often more difficult than it should be, and that means your guidance is even more important.

Most people remember to cover using condoms to prevent pregnancy and lower the risk of sexually transmitted infections through penetrative sex, but you should cover the use of dental dams for oral sex performed on the vulva, vagina and anus too, to lower the risk of sexualy transmitted infections and gastrointestinal illnesses like shigella, and Pre-exposure Prophylaxis which is effective in preventing HIV infections. You should also cover the use of toys, especially if they are shared between partners, gloves, and the HPV vaccine.

Your adolescent may insist that they are not going to perform certain acts and therefore do not need certain bits of information. It's important to tell them anyway. It's best for them to be prepared in case they change their mind, and they may also be able to pass the information on to a friend who would benefit from hearing it.

You may have heard that sex acts that don't involve a penis don't carry a risk of STIs, but unfortunately that is not the case. While it is true that sex between two cisgender women - for example - or involving penetration with the fingers or a toy, is less likely to result in infection it is not entirely risk-free. Herpes and genital warts are transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, and broken skin can expose a person to blood-borne bacteria and viruses.

It's also important to be open about what you don't know, and to search for up to date information before you have your conversation. Give yourself a refresher in the STIs we know about, and the methods of protection available against them and if you get an question you didn't anticipate and can't answer be honest about it. Google the question together (safesearch on!) and see what you find.